im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
