He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
