i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
