why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
