I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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