is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The uberlube is also flammable
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
