did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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