Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
