Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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