OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
