He told me they were just razor bumps!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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