I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
