Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
