i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
