Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize