we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
