i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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