i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
