My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
