Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
