just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
