so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
