Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
