Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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