He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
