Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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