just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
