They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
