He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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