We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
