Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
