Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
