I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
