If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
