just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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