Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
