You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
