You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it's like iHOP with fire
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
