As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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