I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
