I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
