We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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