Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
God, I missed his penis.
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