I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
