I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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