I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
