Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
