She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We were destined to go to rehab together
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
