I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
