don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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