put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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