I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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