Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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