my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
