I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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