new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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