Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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