Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
