i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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