Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
