just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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