If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
