absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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