at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
