I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
only if we run a train.
done.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize