you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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