Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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