can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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