If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
