Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm like, not good at living.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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