AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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