a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
