God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
