I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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