i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Randomize
