I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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