Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
