how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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